By Gordon Kearns
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but
when I became a man, I put away childish things."
1 Corinthians 13:11
* * *
Everybody knows about childhood - that carefree, joyful period filled with sugar plums, cloud castles, snow angels, clover chains; mud-pies and running, skipping, and jumping; a beautiful toyland where once you cross its borders you can never return again.
It's a happy time of life, many are quick to add, which must be tempered with firm limits, a solid grounding in the basics of education, consistent discipline enforced by a strong hand, strict grade-level standards, and the instilling of the principles of American history, world geography, practical science and ecological balance.
"The Child" - his and her development, psychology, education and rearing - is one of the most popular subjects for study in today's world. Isn't it interesting that such a looked-at subject has no practical definition - the parameters are just too fuzzy. For humans, maturation is an uneven process. At birth, they say, a person's brain has all the neurons it will ever have, and by 6 will already reach 90 percent of its final weight; yet his second teeth won't be in place until several years later. It isn't until the mid-20's that people's bones are finally completely developed. On the other hand, many boys and girls are sexually mature by 12. Shakespeare's Juliet was yet 13 when her parents were planning marriage for her.
Looking back, I find my memories of childhood events are blended in smoothly with my adult experiences. I remember no mysterious quantum leap at any point in my life when I could have said, "Today I am a man." Even now with McDonald's and Hardy's bestowing on me the benefits of senior discounts, I find my feelings, hopes ... and fears pretty much the same as they were at 12, when I first came upon the realization of my human mortality. The truth is: What a person was as a child, he or she essentially remains as an adult. Check it out at your next grade school reunion. Beneath the receding hairlines, graying temples, and facial worry-webs, you'll have no problem recognizing your old classmates - whether their "Hello, My Name Is" badges are legible or not.
Children aren't tadpoles living another existence, awaiting their time of passage. When you were a child you could feel, you could think, you had your own distinct personality; and you made value judgments based on the alternatives available to you. "Kids say the darndest things" because their vocabulary is inadequate and their experience is limited, not because of any inadequacy or limitation of mind or spirit. Actually, I've met many perceptive and articulate 7-year-olds.
The fact is, children are true human beings; they aren't merely exasperating or delicate toys ... or stimulus-response learning machines ... or clay to be molded. One's early experiences entwine with all the rest to create a single unbroken cable where each strand works with all the others to form a human life.
And think about this: Being typically human, there's no single system of training effective enough to assure a child's learning what we want him to learn , any more than I can make you understand and believe what I'm telling you right now. As humans they guard the independence of their hearts as doggedly as we oldsters guard ours.
Many experts on child development offer worthwhile advice on how to deal with children, but none can guarantee a youngster's reaction to your efforts, no matter how logical. However, considering the human essence of children, you might try putting yourself in your child's shoes and check out how you'd feel if you had to cope with the adult world that controls children.
Suppose you had to bring a report card home from work every 10 weeks for your spouse's signature ... and commentary. Suppose your boss "spanked your bottom" for being disrespectful. Suppose your grammar was ever subject to correction. Suppose you had to keep up with a giant walking at your side who constantly yanked your arm and nagged, "Pick up your feet." You get the idea. The good old Golden Rule, of course, but I believe it does make sense when working with children.
Who knows, if you respect your child as an equally human presence, you just might find your influence over that child more effective in the long run.
or go to
An Explanation; Being Things; Childhood; Heroes; The Inner Spirit;
Elves I Have Known
Other Essays at Large: Movie Classics; Class of the Millennium;
My Book Reviews; My Stories
From Dorothy's Corner: For Dorothy
Comments: GKEARNS@prodigy.net