After the Wilderness
By Gordon Kearns
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Chapter 14
Eight doorless cubicles lined the outer perimeter of the room. What partitions existed were of glass. Considerations for privacy were set aside for the sake of constant patient observation. The court bounded by the cubicles, all a-glisten with spotless white tile, was only sparsely furnished --equipment carts and stands here and there, a doolie cart, a wheelchair, and in the center the circular nurses' station where EKG monitors charted the life-hold of every patient in the ICU.
In bed number six, the back raised to keep her upper body supported, Sister Daniella trooped in and out of consciousness, as a hiker under the forest's thick summer canopy passes through moments of sunshine along the trail, reminded that there is something larger out there. Her critical condition dictated one-to-one nursing --this shift the assignment of Mrs. Janice Schaeffer, R.N., who sat in an armless chair at the nun's bedside. She was catching up on some routine chartwork in between checklist-formal inspections of Sister Daniella's tubes, needles, electrodes, intravenous bottles, surgical stitches and staples, arm and shoulder brace, and catheter bag. Every thirty minutes, Nurse Schaeffer measured her patient's vital signs. So engrossed was she in her responsibilities that she didn't notice the two nude girls who suddenly materialized at the foot of the bed. But Sister Daniella did. She lifted her left hand an inch or so above the mattress in the only greeting available to her at the moment.
The nurse quickly turned around in her chair and faced Patty and Rachel. "What ...how ..."
"Please," Sister Daniella whispered as loudly as she could.
The nurse turned to her patient.
"Please," Sister Daniella repeated.
Mrs. Schaeffer looked again at the two women. Their sudden, unexpected appearance here in the ICU; their nakedness; the older one's bright red hair, the younger, probably teen-aged girl --"You're the two ...from this morning, aren't you?"
Rachel: "Yes ...we just wanted to see Sister Daniella ...for a minute ...so she knows we're all right. And so we can see if she's all right."
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Without thinking, Janice Schaeffer reached out to touch their arms. "I ...I'm glad they didn't ..." A beat. "There were a lot of people praying for you ...I want you to know that." She glanced back at Sister Daniella. "She's got a strong heart --that's what pulled her through the operation. But she is weak ...very weak. You can take a minute or two ...but go easy." The kind nurse stepped back out of the way --and signaled frantically for the other nurses to come quick for a glimpse of the celebrities. But there would be no danger to the two girls. These were friends. In spite of the Goodman Gillettes, there are gentle, sensitive, understanding people around --a lot of them. They don't form crusading armies; they're not "out to get" anyone. Mostly they're too busy taking care of the needs of people to prance around raging irresponsibly at things they don't understand.
"Did you use your magic to get here?" Sister Daniella whispered almost inaudibly.
Patty, holding the fingers of the nun's free hand: "Yes ...we used our ... magic."
Sister Daniella: "Please ...tell me about it."
Patty: "The magic?"
Sister Daniella nodded.
Patty: "Well... it's not really magic, I don't think. I was born with it. My father ...It's something we inherit. We just sort of think flying, and we do ...we fade away and fly."
Sister Daniella: "What's it ...like?"
Patty: "Oh, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. You can go as high as you want or right down by the ground --or even through people and things. We can read minds if we want ...but my father says we have to be careful about that ...ethics and stuff. But when we're flying, we can ... sense the Earth below, and the trees and buildings and cars and people and farms ...and if we go over someplace where sad things happened some time way back --like an earthquake or fire or war --why, we can feel right in our hearts a sad sort of warmth rising up. And over places where happiness happened --like over a playground ...even if the kids have all gone home -- a happy warmth rises up to us. And you know, Sister Daniella, we can go anyplace we want --we can't wear anything or take anything with us, but we can go just anyplace in the world ...and do the craziest things."
Sister Daniella: "Tell me about a crazy thing, please."
Patty: "Hmm ...well --it was just yesterday --right after I left you ...remember, at the chapel... I sat like a Buddha right on top of a freight car on a train crossing the salt flats ..."
Sister Daniella: "That ...was a crazy thing ...Patricia." She pretended to squeeze the girl's hand. Then she moved her head so she could see Rachel. "You're the red-head --Rachel?"
Rachel: "Yes ...I'm the one."
Sister Daniella: "They said Patricia taught you ...how could "
Rachel: "I was an orphan. I didn't know my parents were ...like this. Patty took me flying with her ...in her wave, we call it ...and I just caught on."
Sister Daniella: "The Sistine Chapel... you were in the Sistine Chapel?"
Rachel: "That was me, all right."
Sister Daniella: "Would you tell me about it?"
Rachel: "The ceiling? Michaelangelo "
Sister Daniella, almost smiling: "No ...not the ceiling. Their faces when they saw a naked lady sitting on the screen ..."
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Rachel, laughing: "Why, their eyes got bigger than baseballs; and they looked at one another ...and they looked at me." She giggled. "They looked at me a lot ...then they started stuttering, and then they shouted and picked up their robes --and they ran at me ...and I just, pffft, got out of there."
Sister Daniella almost laughed. "I wish I could have seen that," she said. She looked from one to the other. "They give me ...medicine -- tranquilizers, I think. I... I feel as if I'm about to sleep again. It seems all I do is sleep in this place." A beat. "Patricia?"
Patty: "I'm here."
Sister Daniella: "I think ...being free ...might be a vocation, too. There's so little of it ...being free. It's ...special when somebody has ...the magic for it ...like you and Rachel." Her eyes heavied and closed.
The nurse checked the nun's pulse. "She's sleeping." The girls were about to wave out when Rachel asked the nurses, "Is Charles Wohl here?"
Patty and Rachel were led to bed number four. He was wired up not too unlike Sister Daniella, but without the bracing. He was awake.
"Mrs. Bollinger!" he said softly, with some effort, surprised. "I mean, Rachel."
Rachel: "How are you doing, Chuck?"
Wohl: "Oh, not bad, These gals wait on me hand and foot."
Rachel: "Are you hurting?"
Wohl: "Just a little ...tight in my chest ...no big problem."
Rachel: "That was a brave thing you did. But you almost got yourself killed."
Wohl: "They ran over me like I wasn't even there. Now I know what the grapes feel like over in the wineries."
Rachel smiled: "Why? Why did you do such a thing?"
Wohl: "That's not hard to answer, Rachel. You're my friend. What they wanted to do to you and ...this is Patty Flanery, isn't it." Patty nodded. "What they wanted to do to you and Patty was wrong. I couldn't just stand around and let that happen."
Rachel: "But you knew it would be impossible to stop ten thousand people, didn't you?"
Wohl: "I had to try."
There was silence in the ICU for several seconds; until, first Rachel, then Patty, kissed him full on the lips. "I'm in Heaven," he said, grinning wryly.
The girls turned and smiled "Thanks" to the nurses, clasped hands, and disappeared into their wave --leaving the excited nurses in open-mouthed astonishment.
Rachel took the lead in the wave again, dropping on a butte in the Mojave, similar to the one she found on her pioneering adventure the previous Thursday. They lay side by side absorbing the night desert sky ...and thinking.
Patty: "I wonder what it would have been like to die."
Rachel: "It would have been a lot of pain, I guess ...but we'd have probably gone unconscious quick and ...just slipped away."
Patty: "This 'unviverse organism' business ...there'd be nothing left of us now --no body --no bones --no dust ...nothing. That's weird."
Rachel: "Gives me goose bumps to think about it. But it almost happened, didn't it?"
Patty shifted to pillow her head in the hollow of Rachel's shoulder.
Rachel enfolded the younger girl in her arm. "I know what I'm going to do," Patty said.
Rachel: "About?"
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Patty: "You know, my big decision --the one that started this whole thing."
Rachel: "You mean nun, scientist, or tycoon."
Patty chuckled: "Yeah; or tycoon."
Rachel: "Well? Which is it to be?"
Patty: "As they say on tests: 'None of the above.'" A beat. "It's what Sister Daniella said, 'Being free might be a vocation, too.' I like being one of the naked children in the forest. Look at us right now, watching the stars from a butte in the desert; and if we wanted, we could fly to ...Mars. But it's not just the 'magic' stuff. It started before I even knew about it, except for the rumors; that first night, exactly a week ago, when I slept outside naked and woke up with the morning fog. The whole universe was waiting there for me that morning."
Rachel: "And me, if I remember right."
Patty laughed: "And you, my heart of hearts Rachel. And our run on the trail... and our talking and talking ...and our playing around, too. I... I was untied. I was doing things I would never have ...could never have done before, because until then I followed the rules. Not merely the rules about don't lie or steal. I followed the rules that said these, and only these things a girl may do --and this or that vocation are the only ones proper for a girl. And now I ride on top of a train at midnight, and dance naked in a farmer's field.
"But Sister Daniella said that's all right. Freedom is all right." A beat. "Then they were going to kill us --really kill us ---because of our being free. Being free is awfully important if they want to kill you for the being it." A beat. "This morning we paid a big price for our being free --we almost paid a bigger one. It's become a ...treasure for us now.
"So that's it. I'm not going back to life with rules."
Rachel: "You're going to drop out of school... this close to graduation?"
Patty: "'This close to graduation': that's part of the system --the rules, isn't it? Yes, I'm dropping out of school --formal school. I'm going to go on with my own brand of school. There used to be a girl named Eileen -- she was one of us; but she's gone now. She used her wave to learn all she wanted about math and physics. She was a Pilot. When you go back to learn our history from Denise and Jeffrey, you'll find out about her --and her being a Pilot. Pilots used to be able to take people anywhere in the whole universe. It was sort of a trade. She's gone now. But I figure if I pump Patrick and Denise and Jeffrey --and study it out, I might work out the process. I probably couldn't. And maybe I'd change my mind about it half way through. But that's okay, too. That's what being free is. You can change your mind, you don't have to ...chain yourself to any thing. You only need to do things you want to. No I'm not going back to school... except to visit; to see Sister Daniella. I have to do that."
Rachel: "And your aunts? I don't think they're going to take lightly to your doing your own thing. I had the very definite impression they don't approve of nudism."
Patty: "They did bear up pretty well -surrounded by skin today. Just proves their fortitude. They didn't enjoy one second of it. The explosion will come Thursday night. I'm going back for Thanksgiving dinner --for my grandmother's sake. She didn't like my being nude; but she accepted it. I'll dress, too --don't want to corrupt my young cousins' morals. My aunts love me; truly they do. But they've lived so long under the code of rules --the system --that they think
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it's right. Propriety is their whole life. They'll never let me run around the mansion naked. They'd never let me drop out of school --especially their school. They'll never bend. So Thursday night I'll tell them. I'll tell them my decision, that from now on I'll go home just once a year at Thanksgiving --perhaps Christmas, too. And I'll dress quite properly when I do. But it'll be for the day only. I'll be living my life free --a naked child in the forest. They'll be properly indignant and all that. And they'll be hurt --because they do really love me --but they'll never bend on the nudity or the family obligation issues --even if it means I'll never live at home again. So Friday will be my 'Good-bye.' It'll be hard, but that's the way it will be." Tears leaked down Patty's cheek.
Rachel hugged her young friend closer in to herself. "My future isn't quite that clear cut ...yet. I've got eleven years longer in that 'system' you talked about. I've got a husband I love. I've accepted obligations --to him and to the resort. And I enjoy what I do. I have no doubts about my interests there." A beat. "Trouble is, I have no doubts about ...freedom, either. I loved my trip around the world ...and helping in that hospital in Ethiopia ...and shocking the pants off those monsignors in the Vatican ... and the wonderful exhilaration of the wave.
"I guess what it comes down to is ...well, compromise. I suppose I'll go to school for Darren --even though I'd probably be able to get a better business education buzzing the teachers' brains ...but I'll go along. However, I'll need my week with Denise and Jeffrey ...and time with you here and there ...and my impulsive excursions in the wave. And I'll work the desk at Bollinger's, and become the manager Darren wants --it might be fun anyway. I don't know if Darren will compromise though. He never did put much stock in my juggling and magic --no practical value ...except as a 'come-on' for our booth at the convention in Anaheim. So I'm not sure he's going to accept my 'waving' around. I guess we'll talk about it one of these days."
They stared at the sky.
Rachel: "You're good at science; which one of those stars is Mars, do you know?"
Patty: "Hmm, look there by the moon; do you see the two real bright stars kind of under and to the right?"
Rachel: "I got 'em, I think."
Patty: "The brightest one, that's Venus, I'm sure. The other one, that should be Mars. See, even without a telescope it has a reddish tint."
They listened to the complete silence of the desert for another two minutes, then:
Rachel: "They say that early in the twenty-first century, man will set foot on Mars."
A pause.
Patty: "Man?"
Rachel: "Who knows ...maybe woman ...by then."
Patty: "Hmm, wouldn't it be a kick in the pants ..."
Rachel: "A kick in ..."A beat. "You're not thinking ..."
Patty: "Why not?"
Rachel: "Isn't there a ...trajectory or something ...and it's so far away; doesn't the light take time to get here so that Mars has already moved away from where we're looking at it.
Patty: "There's only about a seven or eight minute light-time difference, and we'd adjust as we went --we'd be close enough to find it if we keep it in our sights all the way. Pat ...my dad told me how you're supposed to do it, but we didn't go to any other planet ourselves. Having too good a time around here, I guess." A beat. "I think The most important thing would be to keep an eye on Earth the whole time so we'd know where to come home."
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Rachel: "Well... you'd have to drive ...you've had more official lessons ...but I was just thinking, could we actually body-out on Mars --be the first to step on another planet? Now that would be a real kick in the pants."
Patty: "There's no air up there, I don't think --might even be poison to us. We could only materialize for a few seconds ...and we'd have to hold our breath."
Rachel: "And let's not break hands --in case one of us gets in trouble, the other could zip us into the wave right away."
In the next two seconds they were on their feet, giggling like little children. No big deal; no countdown. Patty took Rachel's hand; they nodded, took a deep breath, and were gone.
Fifteen minutes later they were standing on the planet Mars, only time for minor sightseeing along the way. They could afford to be more casual on the way back. With their cheeks puffed out as if looking to squirt water on an unsuspecting victim, they scanned the bleak landscape of the red planet.
Then Rachel looked to her young partner in an unspoken suggestion that they should get back into their wave. But Patty held up a finger, indicating just a moment more. Abruptly she stooped down --still holding firmly to Rachel's hand, and printed with the finger she had held up, in large capital letters on the dusty surface of Mars, "PATTY AND RACHEL WERE HERE --1987" She started to stand, but changed her mind and stooped again, adding in rapid strokes, "EARTH GIRLS". They almost burst out laughing, but held off until they were "waving away." As planned, they took their time on the return trip, and wondered at the startlingly bright blue of good old Earth as they drew nearer and nearer.
At about three in the morning, Rachel stood by her bedside watching the sleeping Darren. Disturbed slightly as she slipped in alongside him, Darren muttered, "Where've you been?" "To Mars and back," she answered. Only a third awake, he said, "You should have called first; I was worried."
Patty waved into room 231. Her mother hadn't returned yet. Patty smiled to herself. Then, without removing the spread, she lay down on the water bed and went fast asleep.
At six o'clock, Marianne picked up the room key from the board behind the desk, unlocked the door to room 231, and slipped inside. Not wishing to disturb her daughter; she headed for a chair. But she was interrupted by a small voice from the bed. "Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, I did," Marianne answered.
"Did you make love?"
"Patricia! What ..." She paused. Then she went to the bed and looked down at Patty. "Yes; we made love."
"More than once?"
Marianne laughed. "More than once. And that's all you need to know. Now move over; there's room for two on this bed."
Rachel and Patty didn't come out of their nests until after ten in the morning. Marianne barely made it out for lunch. None of the three heard the raucous flapping of the Flanery family helicopter landing on the lawn after breakfast; nor did they hear it take off again an hour later, bearing a suited and tie'd Darren Bollinger. "Some business to take care of," was the message he left with Phil Wagonner for Rachel and Jack, "Should be back later in the afternoon."
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Noting how swamped Phil was with incoming guests --Jack was running shuttle duty in the jeep between the resort and Bernard Station --Rachel automatically chipped in to help.
"You don't have to do that," Phil said.
"I know, but I think it would feel good to get back in the old routine for awhile."
Phil did appreciate the help. Rachel's quietly efficient presence always had a calming influence on the stresses of keeping the lodge in business. By noon the morning rush was well over, and Rachel sent Phil up for an unpressured lunch. She spent most of the next couple hours sweating over the computer, catching up on reservation lists and room accounts, which had piled up a frightening backlog. She didn't take time out for lunch for herself; she was quite contented with the ham sandwich Phil insisted she eat.
Patty did eat in the dining room. And of course, she was invited to every table there, but the Crespys won out --so to speak. What started as a table for three ended up seating nine: Patty, the Crespys, the Sculmans, Doris MacClean, Jack Bollinger, Phil Wagonner, and Ernest Bergen, who, as did the Crespys, returned to the resort as a show of support. Patty didn't have to fish for things to say in this group. They handled the conversational responsibilities very well, thank you. A horseback trail ride was scheduled for early afternoon and a good old volleyball game for later. The trail ride included many, many more than those at the table, and the game was Olympic -- in spirit and size of cast, if not talent.
There was one tidbit of gossip worthy of mention. As the group was leaving the dining room, Phil Wagonner drew Patty aside --not an easy accomplishment in this crowd. "Er ...Miss Flanery ...Patty. This evening after dinner, Jack is going to organize a square dance ...I wonder ...would you accompany me?
Surprised, Patty studied the young man who had in his unassuming way become a major player in her life the past two days. A guy wouldn't ask a fairy princess for a date to a square dance, she thought. "I'd love to, Phil," she responded.
Marianne didn't join the mob eating with Patty. After a quick bite, she wasn't seen again until four. Her whereabouts were a mystery, but there was no doubt in anyone's mind about whom she was with.
There was a lull in the action at the desk between two-thirty and three, and Rachel filled the space perched on the blotter, casually juggling four colored bean bags, to the delight of a dozen grade school age children who sat in a semi-circle in front of her. And at three, the helicopter again settled on the lawn --effectively destroying the volleyball game as both sides were winning by lopsided scores. Rachel rushed outside to greet her husband. They hugged affectionately and started walking toward the lodge with arms about each other's waist. But Darren quickly broke away to return to the machine as Sean Flanery was alighting --he had almost forgotten his special guest. Patty, of course, offered her grandfather a more spirited welcome.
Darren stopped by the desk and asked Phil Wagonner to invite all the close friends and regular guests of Bollinger's to the theater in the round at four o'clock for a special announcement. Then he escorted Sean Flanery to the cocktail lounge, where they toasted each other with good California champaign. Rachel watched the desk for Phil so he could get the word around about the upcoming meeting. Darren started to discourage Rachel from the subbing --it was unnecessary for the short time Phil would be absent. When Rachel told him she had been helping out all afternoon, he seemed a bit displeased, but with a second thought he merely shrugged his shoulders and told her to make sure she was on hand for the announcement.
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A few minutes later, a pert teen-aged girl and her obviously nervous mother entered the lobby and approached the desk. Rachel double-checked the reservation print-out, and then looked up to greet the two newcomers. "Mrs. Chapman?" she asked. When the woman answered affirmatively, Rachel added warmly, "I'm Rachel Bollinger. We've been expecting you."
Mrs. Chapman: "I don't know whether I should feel lucky or not. I'm frankly not too excited about this nudism business. Dawna, my daughter here, insisted on it. And considering the circumstances, I agreed. But I have to tell you I'm uncomfortable."
Rachel: "The circumstances?"
Mrs. Chapman: "THE circumstances. We wanted to come here since Saturday. And then Sunday, when that Reverend Gillette was coming after you, that's when Dawna started begging to come out here. She figured you needed all the friends you could get. I couldn't get through for reservations until yesterday afternoon. And we have to leave tomorrow --have to get home for Thanksgiving, you know. But we felt it was important --even if for this short a time --for you to know you have friends."
Rachel: "That's so kind of ..."
Mrs. Chapman: "Not just kindness, Mrs. Bollinger "
Dawna: "Wait, mother, I want to tell her. But ..."
Mrs. Chapman: "But she wants to be nude like you first."
Dawna: "I want to show I believe in Rachel."
Mrs. Chapman: "That's what she says. But I think she really loves the idea of taking off her clothes."
Rachel, winking at Dawna: "That's the way I am, too --I love to be bare-assed. But you're a guest now, so you can strip down anytime you want."
Dawna: "Here? Now?"
Rachel: "Here and now."
Dawna enthusiastically started shedding.
"Careful there," her mother said, "I don't want you tearing your good clothes." Then to Rachel. "If it's all the same to you, I might take my time before ..."
Rachel: "Look, Mrs. Chapman. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can stay dressed the whole time. I'm sure not going to pressure a friend."
By this time Dawna was bare from head to toe. She was a very pretty girl, about fifteen --lean, small busted, but solid body, with beautifully complexioned light brown skin, neatly coiffed hair, and bright eyes. She looked about the lobby, suddenly self-conscious about her exposure. "You're beautiful," Patty said, approaching the group. That quickly, Dawna relaxed. Then she suddenly brought her hand to her mouth excitedly, "You're the other one, aren't you?"
Patty laughed: "Yes, I'm the 'other one'; I'm Patty."
Jack was just coming in with their luggage.
Rachel: "Here's your key, room 157; that's just down this hall. Jack will show you the way."
Dawna hesitated. "I do want to talk to you, Mrs.Bollinger ...Rachel -- it's important."
Patty: "I could help Mrs. Chapman, Rachel --I remember your introduction to me last week. Then Jack could watch the desk for you."
Rachel: "I... I'd appreciate that, Patty." To Jack: "Would you watch the things here, Jack."
Jack: "No problem."
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As she was about to step around the desk to be with Dawna, Rachel turned back to Jack. "Darren's called a big meeting of friends and regulars at four o'clock in the theater, about forty-five minutes away --an important announcement, he says."
Jack: "Oh?"
Rachel: "He's with Sean Flanery."
Jack: "Oh, oh!"
Rachel and Dawna left the lodge and found a pleasant place to sit on the lawn about mid-way to the lake. Guests were roaming about the grounds with a casual ease that contrasted dramatically with the tense atmosphere of the previous days. Life at the resort was rapidly resuming its normal relaxed character.
"I... I am a friend, you know." Dawna began. "I don't mean like a friend in general, I mean like 'personally' ...even though I don't think you'll remember ...and I understand that. But forever and ever I'm your friend."
Rachel studied at the girl at her side. Recognition. A frozen frame in time. The wide, frightened eyes. The tears. The panic. Rachel smiled. "I remember," she said. "Atlanta."
Dawna: "I'm the one who started everything. If it weren't for me ..."
Familiar words. "No, Dawna, it was the rapist, and Lieutenant Sargeant, and Reverend Gillette. I was happy you weren't hurt and that I was able to help you."
Dawna: "That was the worst night of my life."
Rachel: "I know what you mean."
Dawna: "That creep. I think my back was breaking. And his breath ... isn't that funny? I remember his breath."
Rachel: "I do too. Whiskey ...grass ...who knows what." A beat. "They said he didn't ...get in you."
Dawna: "I don't think so. At the hospital they gave me that ... examination ...it was humiliating. Did you. have to go through it?"
Rachel: "Yes ...and it was humiliating."
Dawna: "Did he ...get into you?"
Rachel: "Yeah ...they said he didn't get to ...finish, though."
Dawna: "It's horrible there are creeps like him around. Where we used to live in Baltimore it was pretty bad. We had an old flat. It guess it was nice a long time ago. But with us there were always problems --plumbing, bad paint ...and rats. The whole neighborhood had rats. We couldn't avoid them. Dad and mom and us kids tried to keep the house and yard clean. But it was hard keeping the clutter away. Somebody was always bringing their old refrigerator or furniture to keep in the yard and basement when they moved from one place to the next. I don't think anybody believed in throwing things away in our family. My uncles even parked their old wreck cars in our back yard. Until they could find the parts, they said. But they just let the cars rot there. And then at night creeps would pee in our back yard --and even worse stuff. Every morning we'd find busted bottles and things.
"And somebody was always having to stay with us. They'd couldn't pay their rent or their husband was sent to jail. Oh, we didn't mind helping them --after all, they were family. But we were always crowded, and everything was always cluttered ...we didn't have any privacy at all.
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"But the worst part was everything closed up after dinner. It just wasn't safe going out ...you know, with all the muggings and shootings and drug pushing ...and raping. It was like we were ...in prison. Even during the daylight, we had to stay close to the house. Creeps were always wilding around. Sometimes they were hopped up, but mostly they were plain mean. Every weekend it seemed there was a shooting someplace in the neighborhood.
"We tried to keep up with things, but every time we got a little ahead, somebody would come for help --to borrow money, to live with us for a while, to leave their junk in our basement or yard."
Rachel: "It must have been tough living."
Dawna: "Oh no. It's what we knew. Besides, we didn't have it so bad compared to a lot others. Dad always made a decent living --he owned a cleaners ...we always had food on our table. And I always had nice clothes. Anyway, we moved out a few years ago ...to Atlanta ...a brand new house in the suburbs. Dad said the only way we'd get out of --he called it a trap -- was to get away from that way of living. If we didn't, he said, everything would keep coming around at us over and over from his generation to ours and then to our children's. Someplace the circles had to be broken. Someplace somebody had to break away from the trap. So we moved to Atlanta, where we didn't know anybody ...where nobody would leave a wreck car in our back yard. He said he knew it sounded heartless, but for his children --for us -- he had to break out of the trap. If there were a real true emergency, he'd send money to help if he could; and if somebody from the family found their way to Atlanta, he wouldn't have turned them away --but they had to come to Atlanta ...because we weren't going to be back in the circles any more. So dad just up and sold his business in Baltimore and moved his family to the suburbs of Atlanta, Stone Mountain. He bought a cleaning franchise near our house.
"It was nicer --no more rats. But he still wouldn't let us go out on the street alone after dark. And once while we were at the ball game somebody broke into our house and ripped off all sorts of stuff. And look what happened to me. Some friends and me went to a rock concert and stopped by for a quick burger with the gang, and the creeps ruined it all."
Rachel put her arm around the girl affectionately. But Dawna wasn't finished with her recitation yet. "There've been bad people and bad things happening since creation, I guess. Look what Cain did to Abel. It used to be even worse, because medicine and doctors weren't as advanced as they are now ...so people used to die younger and with terrible diseases. They used to blame it on magic, like witches and ghosts and vampires and evil eyes and stuff --and they used to burn people at the stake ...you know about that ...because they thought the people were witches who caused all the evil things to happen. That was the bad part of the way they used to believe in magic. But there was the fun part, too; you know, fairies, elves, and wizards. And that used to make life interesting, I think.
"As long as there was that good magic --the fun stuff --people weren't so ...alone in the world.
"Now-days, scientists have shown that there really isn't bad magic causing terrible things to happen. I think Reverend Gillette knew that, too. Stuff people used to think was magic, scientists have found down-to-Earth answers for. There aren't any secret scary places any more, either. If you walk in the woods at night, no goblins will get you ...you might get mugged by some creep ...but there aren't any goblins any more.
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"But there isn't any good magic, either. I don't think there's an inch of our world that hasn't been explored ...and nobody's ever found a gnome house yet ...I don't think. And that's a shame. The good magic gives something sparkling to life. Like in our suburb: our parents see to it we have good schools so we can get a good education, so we can get ahead --be successful in life, so we can marry a nice partner and have kids of our own, so we can send them to school, so they can get ahead, so they can marry, so they can have kids, and so and so and so and so. Oh, we have our religions, but it's like our religions are just so we can have a good life after we die. Our religions don't give us ...sparkle. Magic --good magic --gives sparkle. With magic we reach ...outside ourselves ...right now. It gives something else besides surviving the rats, and cars in the yard, and creeps --and the so and so and so and so."
Dawna giggled. "I'm rambling on, aren't I?"
Rachel: "Not at all. You're saying some ...important things, I think."
She stood up and helped the girl to her feet. "Let's walk a little. There's still time. I have to go to a big meeting my husband is calling. But what you're saying ...I think it might ...help me."
Dawna: "I was planning what I wanted to tell you all the way here on the plane. Yesterday morning, when the nun made those creeps move aside so we could see you and Patty, and there the two of you were, kneeling in that gasoline --with your hair all wet from having it poured over you --and I could see your eyes closed tight because it must have been stinging them real bad --and your hands were handcuffed together ...and to the knight guy ... and I remembered how. .." She rubbed her eyes as they walked along the edge of the lake.
Abruptly she stopped and looked into Rachel's eyes. "You are magic. When the creep had me on my back, and I was so scared, and he tore my panties off; and then all at once you appeared behind him, beating on his back. You weren't there before, I know. It was magic. You are magic. And what the nun said, 'Magic can be good' ...your magic is good. They wanted to kill you because of your magic. But if it weren't for your magic, I'd have been raped and who knows what all. The nun must have had a little magic, too. Look how she kept those thousands of people from killing you. But all that bad stuff they were doing to you --and what they were saying about you was wrong, wrong. If they'd have killed you and Patty, it would have been like the end of magic. We'd only have had ourselves left. There wouldn't be anything ... sparkling to reach out for ...away from ourselves. And life would have been sadder ...than it is now. The world is so lucky to have you and your magic."
They were standing in the middle of the pontoon bridge.
Rachel: "I... I really don't know what to say, Dawna --except that I thank you so much for coming here --for telling me these things."
Dawna was thoughtful for a moment. "It must be wonderful to be magic."
Rachel: "I... I'm not ..." A beat. "Yes, Dawna, it is wonderful... exciting, I guess, is the word for it. Though the last few days were pretty scary."
Dawna: "But your magic is the same no matter what, isn't it?"
Rachel thought about that for a moment: "I... suppose you're right. The excitement of the magic doesn't change; the ...good in magic doesn't change. They can kill me ...they can kill the magic ...but that doesn't say it wasn't exciting --or it wasn't good, does it?"
They stood silently for some time looking out over the lake, each with her own thoughts. Rachel's mind was on a fifteen year old's perceptive and sensitive perspective on magic. Dawna's mind was on ...magic.
Then a wry smile strolled across Rachel's face. "Dawna, how would you like to be magic? ...just temporary, of course --a few minutes at the most, but for those few minutes you'd be honest-to-goodness magic."
Dawna's eyes widened.
"Here, take my hand," Rachel told her; and as the fingers touched, Dawna Chapman and Rachel Bollinger disappeared from their place on the bridge.
187
"I'm flying," Dawna thought ..."but where's my feet?" "We're flying," Rachel thought. "We're both one ...one soul... no feet; no body at all... but one soul... what you feel, I feel... what I feel, you feel... we don't see, we sense ...the lake below us ...you could touch it ...if you had hands ...if we had hands. Let yourself flow with it. Feel, sense --enjoy." Across the lake, treetop high up the hillside, then along and just above the youthful, brash spine of the Sierra Nevada ...north over Yosemite ...then west. Now low over Stockton, skimming the Sacramento River ...the bay ... under the Golden Gate ..."Are we doing what I think we're doing?" "Yes. It's real... Not your imagination ...or mine ...we're living this ... together." Over the ocean, rolling with the ground swells of the Pacific as it slows to meet San Francisco. Now down the coast ...by San Simeon the museum ...inland again ...the vineyards ...now over Bernard Station ..."I know that place ...the bus ...Mr. Bollinger" ...the foothill forest ... the rotting debris of a crusaders' camp ...circle the resort ...now along a well-trod path past the Chapel in the Woods. Two nude figures running along, laughing with light hearts. "The other two of the Reverend's 'Gang of Four.'" The tennis courts. The lobby. The patio, where Patty Flanery stands with Mrs. Chapman, scanning the landscape for Dawna and Rachel, who ...
take shape three feet before them. Mrs. Chapman was speechless. Patty was laughing. Dawna was beside herself with excitement, jumping up and down. "I was magic. I was magic. I flew with Rachel. We flew and flew. The mountains, the Golden Gate Bridge --we actually went under it, the ocean, a big empty palace. I was magic." Then she suddenly turned to face Rachel, and softly, earnestly said, "Thank you so much, Rachel." A beat. "There was something ...while we were together like that --in the same soul. I felt ...something ..." She became quite serious. "Your magic is ...good, Rachel."
Rachel touched her hand to the girl's cheek. "I... I think so, too, Dawna."
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18
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After the Wilderness - Copyright 1990 by Gordon Kearns